It's just one of those weeks where nothing seems to really go your way. It's just those weeks where you feel like  divine intervention is on your ass, or you feel as if its your unfixable faults.

        Either way, tomorrow is another day, and it will be another week.


and i'm going to come out of this hole.

Liberation

             Sometimes I hate deep sentimental bullshit posts. But I have to make this one.     


           There's so much I could say that's going right with life. There's so much more I could say that's going wrong with life right now. In my perspective, life could be so much better. I've always been told to look on the brighter side of things in life and to be grateful for the things I have. And I won't lie, I've seen sunnier days. But I feel that over the course of 2 or 3 years,I've turned into a negative-sucking sponge that just dwells in benthos.

          I don't want live like that. It's just that I feel that sometimes life is out to get you, it's out there to make me as miserable as possible, to make sure I never will feel content and happy. It purposely makes sure I feel like I always have to be one step ahead of the game or else I'll lose my mind.

       And this brings me to my harboring internal religious conflict. I would say that my standpoint is a bit of a nihilist. I believe that all values such as righteousness and evil are all made up. They don't follow the laws of nature. If I throw a ball off a building, it'll fall down because of gravity. But gravity is not made up, it is an acting force that governs every object. But if a lion eats a zebra for food, is that an act of goodness? or an act of evil? Every animal has the right to live, but in order to live, it must feed on others. Therefore by eating the zebra, the lion is robbing the life of the zebra to sustain its own. But what is right? and what is wrong? Is it wrong for the lion to kill the zebra to survive? If the lion simply chose to follow the path of righteous and spare the zebra's life then it would die. If all the other animals in the world did that, there would be no animals at all. Which brings me to the point that, in my opinion, there can be no embodiment of goodness in a god because we humans act as if life governs around us. That is possibly the biggest fallacy of humans. Life doesn't govern around anybody. It is a blind entity that doesn't care whether you're morally right or cruelly evil. Life will continue regardless of any of these actions. Furthermore, humans are definitely one of the most intelligent animals, but genetically speaking, we're no different from a whale, a narwhal or a lion. The only distinguishing characteristic is the physical outlook. But the needs and desires are all the same: food, water and happiness.

        But on the terms of the lion and zebra, it appears, in order to sustain life, you must rob life. As wicked and evil as that sounds, I do believe in human morals. They nudge us toward the right path in life, they may be false, and they may not be enforced by some "all-knowing god," but I believe in their purpose nonetheless.
             And that's why life sometimes will go your way and sometimes it won't. It's a 50/50 chance that things will go for better or worse. I know all this, I just had to put it in words. But sometimes, sometimes I really wish there was some sort of embodiment of goodness.

       She's so damn awesome.

It's going to be the end of something close, and the beginning of something beautiful.

it's new years

         And so I'm obliged to make a New Years Resolution. I definitely have a few goals in mind to share.

      Of course enjoying life. I know I don't always seem to appreciate it or take it for granted. I realized I always think too much. Whether I'm about to sleep, or waking up, I'm thinking. The problem is, I'm not living in the present, and I'm doing everything but that. I'm looking backward and forward, but I'm stuck in the plane of the reality known as the present, and I should try to slap myself to remind myself I'm here now, and not anywhere else.
        Smiling more of course. After that incident at the library (giggle), it turns out a smile can go a long way. Just a genuine smile brighten someone's day. Extremely cliche, but hey, I experienced it first hand, so I'll embrace that. And of course, I cannot give up on hard work, it gets you far in life (unless you're a celebrity) but for every day folk like me, hard work is going to cut it.
             And maybe of course, get a fucking life. x)